I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian church with my father as the pastor. Despite living in a
large city, we were incredibly isolated and taught to fear everyone around us. I was reminded
constantly that I was a sinner and could make one wrong decision that would lead me to hell. I
hated my body and myself for so long because I was taught that I was a disgusting, immoral
human. I felt I would never be worthy enough of love. That much shame, anger, and grief take a
heavy toll on the body.
I didn’t have many healthy outlets as a teenager, but I had my camera. When my parents
weren’t home, I took photos of myself. It was the one thing I had that made me feel beautiful. I
continued to do self-portraits (no such thing as selfies back then) for years whenever I felt
insecure. It didn’t matter if no one saw them. They were my way of reconnecting with my body
because I felt like a ghost most of the time. Seeing that photo on the screen reminded me that
for a moment, I was myself.
In college, I realized I was queer and, years later, nonbinary. At that point, I discovered a
love for being behind a professional’s camera. LGBTQ+ folks are constantly told we don’t exist
or that we take up too much space by existing. When I model or do shoots, I prove that we are
here. We are powerful and beautiful and worthy of taking up space.
I have experienced so much abuse in my life. I live with the pain daily and walk through
the world with it on my sleeve. But when people see photos of me, they don’t see decades of
abuse or PTSD. They see someone with piercing eyes in a dynamic pose proudly displaying
their queer nonbinary existence.
That is why I do photoshoots. I am the person that my younger self needed to see in the
world. And that is something worth celebrating.
I love working with Grinkie Girls. Christi creates an open environment to celebrate individuals regardless of gender, gender expression, and sexuality. There is no pressure to conform to gender norms during her shoots. Christi is ready to make you feel sexy however you want to present yourself. While the business is named Grinkie Girls, Grinkie’s is for everyone.